Mermage a Trois
by Wild Rhov
Summary: While on Fishman Island, Zoro comes up with a way to cure Sanji's nosebleeds, but he needs Keimi's "help." Will this fishy treatment cure the cook or kill him? Keimi/Sanji/Zoro.


_Disclaimer: I don't own _One Piece_ or make money off of these fanfics. I do this for my own pleasure. Her name is either "Keimi" or "Camie" depending on the translation. FUNimation likes it with a "C," the Wiki spells it with a "K."  
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><p><strong>Mermage-a-trois<strong>

a _One Piece_ fanfic

by Rhov

Zoro roamed aimlessly around the streets of Coral Hill on Fishman Island. The port town was bustling, people from all walks of life coming and going, Humans mixed with Merfolk and Fishmen. The chronically lost swordsman had to ask every few hundred meters for directions, but everyone knew where he meant to go...even if he detoured a lot.

"Mermaid Cafe?" a Shiho's-Seahorse-style Fishman chuckled. "All you Humans like to go there, eh? Well, you're close to your mark, marimo man."

Zoro arched an eyebrow. Did this horse-faced half-fish just call him a marimo too?

"See that building there?" He pointed his long, bright orangish-red nose down the street. "That's it!"

Zoro saw a small crowd loitering in front of the large restaurant with gleaming white columns holding up a seashell canopy over curtain-draped doors. The huge sign, flanked with two seahorses, read in bold, cursive, Latin alphabet: Mermaid Cafe.

Zoro off-handedly thanked the Fishman and walked forward. If Sanji was anywhere on this blasted island, it would be this restaurant. Damn that pervert, but seeing this place had been Sanji's dream. Everyone assumed it was for the mermaids, to the point where Sanji went along with that erroneous thought. Only Zoro knew the truth. Apparently, Mermaid Cafe served a world-famous wakame seaweed brûlée. Sanji had tasted it once, when his mentor Zeff prepared the dish for a special patron. Zeff refused to tell anyone the recipe, so Sanji was determined to visit Mermaid Cafe and either seduce the recipe out of someone or at least taste that famed dish and figure it out for himself.

One way or another, Sanji would come to this cafe. And Zoro would be waiting.

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><p>Chopper held a bloodied cloth to Sanji's face. "We need that blood, STAT!" he screamed in frantic, wide-eyed desperation.<p>

"We're still searching," Keimi said, looking at Sanji's anemic face in worry. "Luffy-chin and Usopp-chin found Brook-chin and are looking all over the place."

"Who-o-o?" In his panic, Chopper almost did not know who she was talking about. That -chin suffix confused him. "Ah, yes. So they're searching? I hope they remember the blood type. Maybe they'll find more of our crew. I...I hope everyone is all right." Chopper pouted deeply in worry for his nakama. Just as they all got together, they were once again separated. Hopefully they all made it to Fishman Island safely.

"How is the bleeding?" Keimi asked in concern.

Chopper pulled the cloth away, took a sponge, and cleaned up the bloody mess on Sanji's face. He carefully inspected both nostrils. "It's stopped, but he lost almost all the blood in his body." He put a special band-aid on Sanji's nose to apply light pressure. "His S RH- blood-type is exceedingly rare. If we find even one person on this island with that type, it will be a miracle, but one donor won't be enough."

"Is he going to die from blood-loss?"

"_Whaaaa!_" Chopper howled.

"Ahhhh!" Keimi shrieked, and her eyes bugged huge. "D-Don't yell at me. You startled me."

"Then don't say things like that. He could live still. Sanji's strong! He's a demon! He'll live," Chopper said with determination. Sanji began to groan. "Oh no! The anesthesia is wearing off already. Keimi, go hide. If he sees a pretty girl like you, he could die for sure."

Keimi sat on her bubble and went out the door.

"Ahoy, Keimi-chan! Found them," the perky voice of Luffy shouted triumphantly long before the door opened.

"Oh...my," Keimi said, covering her mouth with a hand. "I...I think I'll go downstairs."

"W-w-w-what?" Chopper yelled, skittering backward at the party that entered.

Usopp came in with a weary and apologetic expression. "Yes, we found a donor. Two donors, actually. Twins, so they have the same blood type."

An okama with massive fake eyelashes rushed in, dressed in the Criminal brand shirts that were the trend on Fishman Island. He had stubble around his chin despite makeup splattered all over his eyelids and cheeks. "Ooh, is that the patient?" asked the transvestite. "Isn't he cute, Splash onee-chan?"

"Ooh, yes, Splatter onee-chan," exclaimed the other twin, identical in face but with different colored hair and with makeup splashed all over his face. "Scrumptious!"

"Twins!" Chopper grinned massively. "Perfect! Sanji might pull through after all. Are you both willing to donate?"

"Of course, silly," Splatter said with a hand-wave and a giggle. "To save another Human, and a cute one, is...well, only Human!" Splatter covered his bright red mouth and chuckled, forcing his voice into a falsetto laugh.

"Let's get going, silly," Splash said. "This poor cutie looks dead already."

"Maybe he is," Luffy said, lifting Sanji's wrist, then letting it fall. The crew dropped their mouths when he said that. Sanji moaned. "Oh, nope, he's still alive."

"Don't say such morbid things!" Chopper howled. "Come on, you two. I'll start the extraction process on both of you at the same time. Sanji's going to need a lot, and as soon as possible."

"Not a problem, silly," Splash assured. "We're tough girls. Take as much as you want."

"Then maybe the cutie there will take us for as much as _we_ want! Oh-ho-ho-ho!" Splatter laughed, daintily covering his mouth again.

As Chopper led the okama twins aside and began setting up the equipment to extract their blood, the rest of the crew gathered close.

"We should be thankful they're actually men," Usopp said with a pout. "A frail woman might not be strong enough to give enough blood."

"And be thankful they're twins!" Brook added. "Otherwise, Sanji would be boned. Although he's not dead like me!"

Luffy hummed petulantly and looked at Sanji's pasty face with concern. He had lost his crew once and swore it would never happen again, yet this was something not even his strength could fix. It left Luffy feeling helpless, and that was the worst feeling in the world for him. "Hungry!" he shouted, turning aside sharply. "I'm off to find some meat."

Usopp smacked the back of his head. "Sanji could die! Aren't you going to wait around and see if the procedure works?"

"It'll work without me staring at Chopper. And Sanji won't die that easily. I wanna search for Zoro, then the two of us will go get some meat. Sanji will be back to normal in no time."

"Fine," Usopp sighed. "Then I'm going to wait downstairs. After all, this is the Mermaid Cafe. Come on, Brook. The mermaids seem to flock around you like koi to stale bread. Maybe one or two will think I'm worth a nibble."

Brook began to follow. "It's all the fame of being a musician. People prefer seeing their favorite star in the flesh...even though I have no flesh! Perhaps I'll give them a live performance...although I'm dead!"

"Yes, yes, you keep up with the bad jokes, and I'll be the shoulder the mermaids turn to as they groan at them," Usopp nodded, happy with this arrangement.

Chopper worked diligently. The okama twins donated an amazing amount of blood, enough for Sanji with some left over for Chopper to refill his depleted supply. They each pinched Sanji's cheeks, hoping he would wake up soon so he could thank them properly. Then Chopper watched as the blood flowed from the plastic bags into Sanji's veins. His color began improving at once.

There was a knock, not on the door, but on the window. Chopped perked up, surprised that anyone could reach this high. He opened the shutters to see a gruff face with green hair.

"Zoro!" His eyes sparkled happily. "Luffy just left to find you."

"I heard there was a blood geyser. I thought these Fishmen were out of their minds, but then I heard that someone was rushed from the scene on medical emergency. I happened to meet Keimi downstairs and heard all about it. Idiot busted an artery perving over mermaids, huh?"

"Sadly, yes," Chopper said, moving aside to let Zoro climb through the window. "He really did try holding it in."

"I've got his medicine." Zoro immediately got to work by untying his sash and setting his three katana aside.

"Eh? Medicine?"

"He's spurting blood every time he sees a woman, right? We talked about it a little when we were in the flutter kick coating bubble. Sanji lived for two years with okama. Now he's having a hard time readjusting. Make sure no men or women come into this room for one hour, understood? Guard down the hall. Do not enter this room, and do not let anyone else enter."

"But...but I'm in the middle of a blood transfusion," Chopper protested.

"Look!" Zoro snapped. "If Sanji goes all pervy before I'm done with the medical procedure, this blood transfusion will have been a total waste."

Chopper slowly walked to the door, but he watched Zoro curiously. Medicine? A medical procedure? He wanted to stay and watch, but Zoro could get scary. He decided it was best not to interfere. If Zoro knew some sort of treatment, perhaps it was a secret. Doctors sometimes had their secret practices.

Zoro remained still until Chopper left. Then he turned sharply back to Sanji. "Oy, shit-cook, wake up."

Sanji moaned with drugged stupor. Zoro pouted. He should have known Chopper would knock him out to prevent him from accidentally seeing another beautiful woman.

Zoro patted Sanji's cheeks...none too softly! "I said wake up, curly-brow."

While Sanji strained to fight the anesthesia, Zoro marched to the door. Sure enough, Chopper stood down the hall on guard, but he looked back quickly. "You! Stay in that spot. Don't you dare move from that spot, I don't care what you hear. And don't let anyone..._anyone_...pass through." Then he closed the door again.

Chopper hummed and grumbled, "I wonder if it's a secret technique he learned from mountain hermits." He decided that had to be it. Zoro was a swordsman, after all. He must have trained in many strange places. "Mountain hermits," he nodded firmly.

Zoro returned to the bed to see Sanji finally managing to crack open an eyelid. "Where...what happened? I...can't remember." Then he saw movement nearby. "Zoro?" Sanji groaned. "Don't tell me you saved my ass. I'd never live that down."

Zoro turned to him and stared at his face. He did not speak or greet him at all, just stared coldly.

"Is everything okay?" Sanji asked in concern.

"No nosebleed," Zoro muttered, sounding upset.

"Noseb-... Oh! Oh, wait, I...I think I remember. There were mermaids. Did I have another nosebleed? I...can't recall. Where am I?" asked Sanji. He looked to the red intravenous tube. "Blood transfusion?"

Zoro went to the window. "I want you to understand something right from the start. This is therapy. I've been thinking hard about it since you told me about those okama. This is the best treatment I can think of."

"Did Chopper approve this?"

Zoro said nothing. "Now, these are the rules. Don't bleed. Don't you dare have a nosebleed. Got it?"

"Staring at your ugly ass, who'd want to?"

Zoro glared at him, then leaned out the window and waved to someone below. "Get up here."

Keimi floated up on a bubble, and the pink-tailed mermaid blushed brightly.

Sanji's eyes went huge. "Keimi-chan! What are you...?" Already, a thin stream of blood began to dribble from his nose.

Zoro stomped over and slapped Sanji hard across the face. "It _is_ women! You see me, no nosebleed, but you see a woman and you're ready to gush. I said don't bleed, you perverted bastard."

Sanji had never seen Zoro jealous before, and the flash in the swordman's eyes frightened him as little else could. "No! It's the juxtaposition, dammit, the juxtaposition."

"Eh?"

"Is that too big of a word for a marimo head? You, her, side by side. Man, woman, man, woman," he said, pointing to one, then the other. "I was harassed and assaulted by okama for two fucking years. Seeing the two sexes side by side...seeing a lovely, buxomly lady like Keimi-chwan, and then to see a...a..." Sanji blushed slightly at saying anything in front of Keimi. "To see a man...who I guess is sort of manly."

Zoro's eyes narrowed. "I wasn't there when you geysered blood over a dozen mermaids."

"A...dozen...mermaids?" Sanji blinked, trying to think what he had been doing with a dozen mermaids. A perverted smile slithered onto his face. Zoro slapped him again. "What?" Sanji shouted, feeling really pissed off now.

"Nosebleed. I'm gonna beat them out of you."

"Oh please, Zoro-chin," Keimi begged, tugging his green coat. "Don't hurt him."

"Yeah, Zoro-chin," Sanji grinned huge.

Zoro was about to slap him again, but Keimi's massive, pleading, purple eyes stalled him. "Keimi, I explained this to you in the cafe. This is for Sanji's well-being. He almost died. You want him to get well, right?"

"Oh yes! Yes, of course. Anything to help Sanji-chin, Keimi-chin will do." She threw her shoulders back in a firm pose, but Sanji chuckled lewdly at how that made her breasts almost pop out of her Criminal brand shirt.

"And Sanji, do you agree to my treatment?"

"If it involves hitting me repeatedly, no," he said stubbornly. "If that's your plan, you two marimo heads can go fuck each other and spawn a garden full of green seaweed balls."

Keimi's eyes teared over and her lips puckered out huge. "M-mari-m-mo head?"

Her teary eyes immediately affected Sanji. "No, no, Keimi-chwan, I didn't mean that," he cried out. "Oh, nothing is more adorable than a crying mermaid!"

Zoro thumbed back to the green-haired girl. "What if my plan involves kissing Keimi?"

Sanji's mouth dropped. "K-kissing...Keimi-chwan?" He gawked at the mermaid. Her watery eyes looked as if they were pleading for him to agree. How could any man resist that look!

"You're bad around women, and mermaids are worse, right?" asked Zoro.

"Yes...no! No, I mean...well, mermaids are more...feminine. I mean, Keimi-chwan is pure heaven." The young mermaid giggled at that, which made Sanji grin happily. Mermaids had the cutest giggles.

"Bastard!" Zoro growled. He yanked Sanji's tie off from his neck. "This means I really do have to resort to _that_."

"That? That what?"

"Keimi!" he barked.

"H-hai!" she shouted, slightly startled.

"You said you agreed to the plan."

"Hai! If...if it's Sanji-chin, I don't mind." The mermaid blushed fiery red and covered her cheeks.

"Of course not," Zoro grumbled. "Any girl would want to fuck him, right?"

"Want to..._what_?" shouted Sanji.

"Just don't tell Hachin," Keimi added in quickly.

"Wouldn't dream of it, kid." Zoro grabbed Sanji's hands and yanked them above his head.

"Careful of the I.V. lines," Keimi said in worry.

"What the fuck are you doing, bastard?" yelled Sanji.

Zoro tied his best knot so the necktie would not break lose from the bed's headboard. "Giving you physical therapy. We're going to break you from this gender identity problem."

The door creaked open just a hair, and a blue nose poked through. "Sorry, I thought I heard Keimi-chan. Oh, hello," Chopper grinned to the mermaid. "I swear, I didn't let her through. I don't know how...she...uh... Why are you using Sanji's tie to bind his hands above his head? Hey, he still has to get that blood transfusion."

"The needle is in his arm, not his wrist."

"Yeah, but if you have his arms in that position..."

Zoro unsheathed one of his blades. "Out!" he warned with a demon's glare.

Chopper cried and fled. Keimi pouted in sympathy, but she still secured the door and locked it.

Zoro then held the blade at Sanji's throat. "Once again, don't bleed."

Sanji tested the tie binding his hands, but he was still too weak to break free. He was utterly helpless.

"Phase One was purely visual. You failed that, but you seem to have gained some self-control thanks to my negative reinforcement."

"Do you mean slapping the shit out of me?"

"Precisely," Zoro nodded. "On to Phase Two. Since you were traumatized by okama, we're going to have you remember what a real woman is like." He waved back to the mermaid. "Keimi, do your work."

She floated over on her bubble. "Where should I start?"

Zoro took a few steps back and folded his arms across his chest. "Doesn't matter, kid. He's your prisoner. You do with him as you want."

Keimi blushed as she looked down at Sanji. He really was immensely handsome, even more manly than the last time she saw him. She felt herself blushing fiercely just looking at how helpless he was and thinking of the things she _would_ do if they were alone.

"Okay, well, I think we can start with a kiss. Is...is that okay?"

Stunned, Sanji just stared at her.

"Uh-oh. Um, Zoro-chin..."

Shūsui's black blade immediately dropped to Sanji's neck. "What'd I say?"

Keimi took a tissue from the nightstand and dabbed the bleeding nose. "Be strong, Sanji-chin." Then eying the blade worriedly, she leaned over Sanji's face and kissed him.

Mermaids...tasted strange. Not bad! Delicious, actually. Like...well, like takoyaki. Sanji hummed in delight and opened his mouth for her to explore.

Zoro pulled the blade back so Keimi could kiss more freely. He glared at Sanji. Bastard! He was enjoying this a little too much.

"Okay, enough," he growled. Keimi pulled back and wiped her chin. Sanji looked lost in heaven. "You can handle a woman. Now you have to know what a man is like."

Keimi giggled. "Oh, Zoro-chin! You're not gonna _kiss_ him, are you? How silly!"

Zoro shot her a death glare, which frightened the eyeballs out of the poor girl. "Keimi, I told you this therapy was top secret, right?"

"H-hai, Zoro-chin."

"And you swore you wouldn't tell a soul."

"I swore," she nodded. "Keimi-chin won't tell anyone, not even master Pappug."

Like he gave a flying fuck about that starfish! Zoro turned back to Sanji. He was totally out of it, lost in mermaid heaven. Zoro grabbed Sanji's cheeks with both hands and forced a smashing kiss.

"Wha-...?"

At the first syllable, Zoro's tongue crashed in. Sanji flailed, but the necktie held him tightly.

"Wow, that's...hot!" Keimi gawked.

Zoro pulled back. "You got it yet, you shitty corkscrew-browed pervy-cook?"

"What the...? And in front of poor, lovely Keimi-chwan!" Sanji desperately turned to the mermaid. "I have no idea what he's doing."

"Oh, don't worry," she grinned huge. "I've heard lots of stories about sailors and pirates."

"Sailors and..._not those types of stories!_" Sanji shouted, which made Keimi laugh. "You fucker! Making sweet Keimi-chwan think such things about me."

"Why not? It's true," Zoro shrugged. "Pirates fuck around when we can't get laid for weeks on end."

Sanji could not even speak.

"Keimi, begin Phase Three."

"But...but Zoro-chin is still here. I can't do _that_."

"That?" Sanji asked in barely a whisper. His mind could think of a hundred _that_s.

"Fine, I'll turn around. But if he bleeds even a little, I don't care what you're in the middle of doing, you have to tell me. This is therapy." Zoro turned his back. He kept repeating to himself: this is all for Sanji, this is all for Sanji. Still, Keimi's giggle irritated the hell out of him.

"Okay, I'm gonna start the...um..._therapy_," she tittered. "If you don't want me to do anything—if you really, really don't want it—just tell me. I told Zoro-chin already, I won't agree to anything non-consensual."

"Consensual," Sanji echoed hollowly, staring in a daze at her.

"So if anything is going too far, just tell me to stop."

"No, no, go on," Sanji encouraged. "It's therapy, right?"

She nodded determined. Keimi, at least, fully believed this was nothing but purely medicinal therapy. "Okay, Phase One is seeing us, Phase Two is kissing, Phase Three is...seeing...the body."

"Don't explain it as you go," Zoro snapped. "You'll only work him up. That could kill him."

"Oh! Sorry, sorry."

Without speaking more, Keimi slowly began to lift her shirt. She glanced at Zoro once more, but he was not watching. She looked back to Sanji, inspecting his face for the faintest sight of blood. Sanji knew, just an hour ago, a woman's breasts would have sent him flying with a nosebleed. (He still did not recall that this scenario was precisely what almost killed him.) However, he felt calmer about this. Was it this new blood flowing into him?

Keimi's breasts were nothing huge, but they were perfectly shaped. Cute more than sexy. Her cheeks blushed brighter pink than her tail. She nervously tucked her pale green hair behind her ear.

"Would you like to...well, you're hands are tied up. What about...?"

Hesitantly, she leaned her chest over Sanji's face. He kissed her nipples, gently and hesitantly at first, but when he gave the hardening tip a firm suck, Keimi moaned and pressed her breasts into his face. Sanji loved the sound. Keimi hummed as he licked and sucked. He could tell she was trying to be quiet with Zoro there. Once in a while, Sanji did something that truly aroused her, and she could not help but moan and shudder. Sanji liked it and aimed at finding those perfect little places. He desperately wished he had free use of his hands. He could excite her so much more with just a bit of freedom.

"Mermaid breasts are as jiggly as a perfect brûlée," Sanji said with his mouth full.

Keimi giggled at his comparison. She had thought Sanji was cute the first day they met. Zoro had approached her downstairs in the cafe, explained things, and looked like he expected her to say no; however, if it was a chance to be with Sanji...

"I've never had a Human-person before," she admitted. "Do you often mate in front of one another?"

"I would never purposely expose such a delicate lotus to anything as uncharming as this marimo," Sanji said suavely. "Zoro, step out. I won't have a nosebleed, I swear. Poor Keimi-chwan shouldn't be in a room with two men. What would people say?"

"A lot less than if I left her alone in the room with a pervert like you," Zoro grumbled. "Keimi, is he bleeding?"

"Not a bit."

"Good. On to Phase Four. Remove his pants."

"What!" Sanji squeaked.

Keimi swiftly undid his belt and yanked the black slacks down to his ankles in one swift move. "Wow, Human-people look like that?"

"Get to work," Zoro ordered. "Again, I promise not to look." He walked careful so that he never faced Keimi directly, but he came to Sanji's face. "You're good around women, it seems. Now for men."

Sanji blushed at what he could possibly mean. "Zoro..."

Zoro slapped his face. "Bleeding already?"

"Bastard! Don't hit me. What if Keimi...?"

All thoughts suddenly died in Sanji's brain. That Kissing Gourami Mermaid's pouty lips had suddenly enveloped him and gave him a firm suck. All Sanji could do was utter something incomprehensible, but which was probably a blend of both a curse and a supplication to some deity.

Zoro unbuttoned his green robe and yanked the whole thing off. Then he pulled his baggy black pants down. He was erect from listening to Keimi and watching the two in a mirror. He grinned menacingly to Sanji. Oh, what humiliating things he could do to this jerk!

"Open wide."

Sanji's eyes bugged out. Did Zoro mean he wanted Sanji...to do _that_? He gawked at that monstrous shaft that had been the envy of the male crew whenever they soaked in an onsen. His nose gushed blood immediately.

"Dammit, I told you don't." Zoro slapped Sanji again, but it did no use. He grabbed his katana and held it to Sanji's throat. "Stop it, before you bleed to death. Have a little self-control. Stop! Stop, damn you! I _will_ kill you!"

"Zoro-chin, stop."

Zoro felt a hot hand touch his bare back. Keimi's touch slithered around to the front side. The sweet mermaid had a devilishly seductive look now.

"Sanji-chin needs to know the difference between a man and woman, right? What if _we_ show him first?"

Zoro arched an eyebrow. "That could work." Right then...screw Sanji, this ideal specimen of a youthful mermaid was far more tempting.

"Sanji-chin needs to see men and women together, right?" She slithered up close to Zoro's body and trailed a finger down his scarred chest.

"Mm-hmm," Zoro hummed, eying her scrumptiously.

"Hey guys, I'm good, really," Sanji called out.

Keimi ignored him. Who was the only member of the Straw Hat Pirates who was a better catch than the flirtatious cook? The stoic yet strong swordsman!

"He needs to see what a man does to a _real_ woman...and what a woman can do to a _real_ man," she purred, looking predatory now. If she had been a shark-style mermaid, Zoro might have expecting her to go in for the swift kill.

"That was what I was about to teach him."

"Sanji-chin," Keimi said sweetly. "Please don't think badly of me."

Sanji strained at the bindings on his wrists. "Keimi, I can handle it, trust me! You were fine, it was this bastard."

"I believe you, but we need to make sure you're properly exposed to stimuli before trying anything too drastic." She sounded so sure of herself, Sanji could hardly argue. Except he wanted that stimuli to happen to _him_, not that muscle-brained mosshead.

Zoro smirked as he ran his hands up and down Keimi's body, feeling the difference in texture between the silky smooth skin down to the tiny waist and over the soft scales of her hips. She found the wiry green hair around his groin particularly amusing.

"My God, you're a marimo even down there," Sanji muttered wryly.

"You're seen it before," Zoro retorted.

Sanji said nothing. Yes, he had seen every single member of the crew naked at some point. He just wanted to insult that lucky sonuvabitch.

They began to kiss. Zoro ran his hands over Keimi's breasts and gave them a rough pinch that made her moan. Their kissing grew more passionate. He yanked her close, so that their bodies were flush together. He kissed her throat and sucked on her neck until Keimi quivered and grabbed at him. Zoro instinctively thrust at her, although there was no obvious opening. Still, rubbing his cock against those slithery scales was arousing.

Sanji struggled with the binding, jealously watching them, desperate to join in. If that bastard thought he could take advantage of sweet Keimi while Sanji merely watched...

"I'll be damned," Zoro laughed. "I have no clue how mermaids fuck."

Keimi giggled at his crudeness and blushed. "I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to fit that huge thingy into my slit. Madame Shirley said it was possible, but she's also a lot bigger than me."

"You show me where it goes, and I'll see if it'll fit," Zoro leered, giving a crude pinch to her scaly behind.

"Well, it takes some... coaxing. How about this? Sanji-chin," she purred, and pulled herself up onto the bed, laying her whole body, tail and all, on top of him. She untied his hands. "You work here." She picked up the cook's lithe hands and put them on her breasts. "And Zoro, I'll get you prepped."

Zoro grunted with a smirk and stood by the bed with his thick shaft already stiff at attention. Sanji drew away from it. That huge mast was way too close to his face... and too tempting to be ignored. Instead, Keimi took it into her hands. She gave it cute, small licks at first, then long laps with her tongue curling around, until finally she took the whole thing into her mouth.

Meanwhile, Sanji was in heaven. Keimi's breasts were the softest things he had ever squeezed. Still, he wanted more than just kissing and fondling. Watching Keimi go down on Zoro just centimeters from his face was of no help. He was already stiff and aching.

Just then, he felt a firm hand grab his dick. His eyes bulged to realize Zoro was stroking him hard. The swordsman glanced down at the cook and smirked. Oh yes, he knew Sanji wanted it, and knew he would never admit to it.

"You bastard, what do you think you're..."

"Oh, Sanji-chin," Keimi moaned, arching her back. "Don't stop."

Sanji might have nosebled just then, except that would disappoint Keimi. He grabbed her breasts, pushed them together, and took both nipples into his mouth at the same time. Keimi cried out in ecstasy. Sanji hummed. She was amazing, and Zoro... Dammit, he did not want to come at Zoro's touch, but the swordsman had a powerful grip due to his training. He knew when to squeeze and when he hold him gently. It was maddening, and Sanji strained to hold himself back.

Keimi broke the tension by leaning up. "Zoro-chin, you're too big, but I think Sanji-chin could fit in me."

"Hey!" Sanji shouted. Did she really just say his dick was small?

She reached down to Sanji's groin and moved Zoro's hand away, only to caress Sanji in a way that made him want to die. "He lacks girth, but he's long enough to hit my spot."

"Hah!" Sanji cried out in triumph. "I've got the size where it counts, Mr. Short-N-Stout."

"Lousy shit-cook," Zoro grumbled. "But I don't want to hurt Keimi, so a toothpick-dick like you is a better man for the job."

"Stubby."

"Udon-cock."

"Marimo balls."

"Eat me!"

Keimi cut in. "My job!" She shut Zoro up by sucking him so hard, he realized that mermaids were not to be taken lightly.

Sanji felt Keimi wiggle down, and he helped to balance her. She was trying to figure out how to get him in while still sucking Zoro and trying to keep on top without slipping over the edge.

"No," he decided, "this won't work." Sanji sat up on the bed and moved aside, careful of his I.V. lines. "Keimi, lay down. Zoro, at her head. I'll get the tail."

Zoro laughed gruffly. "The pervy-cook seems to know how to set up threesomes!"

"Better than you do," he shot back.

Keimi sat on the bed with the pillow to prop her torso. Zoro straddled her across the top, shoved his cock into her mouth with surprising force, and roughly grabbed her breasts.

"Hey, be delicate!" Sanji warned.

"She likes it," Zoro said without concern.

Sanji was ready to argue, but Keimi did seem to be loving it. Sanji yanked off the last of his clothes and looked at the pink tail. A tiny slit in her front had swollen and darkened, making it easy to see the opening that was otherwise always hidden by scales. He rubbed his thumb around the rim to test it. Keimi squirmed and hummed at his touches. He was too curious, so he licked her.

If mermaid kisses were a wine, mermaid pussy was a Domaine Romanée-Conti!

He savored it, licking around the scaly rim, then discovered that if he spread it just a little—he was afraid to do too much to the narrow slit—there were pink lips on the inside, the same as a Human lady. He lightly sucked those, and Keimi's tail trashed.

"Whoa, whoa, no biting, kid," Zoro warned.

"Yeah, go ahead, bite his dick off," Sanji laughed.

He returned to the slit and plunged his tongue in. Keimi tried to yell, but her mouth was full. Sanji massaged the area around the slit while stabbing his tongue in. Keimi's tail flipped wildly. She suddenly opened her mouth wide enough to shout past Zoro's dick. Her tail arched, thrusting the slit into Sanji's face. He grabbed around the tail to hold onto her and plunge his tongue in. Suddenly, fluid gushed out and sprayed all over Sanji's face.

"Holy fuck!" he yelled, wiping his eyes clear.

"That...oh God...God, that was good," Keimi moaned loudly.

"I didn't even get started," Sanji pouted in disappointment.

"Oh, don't worry. Mermaids don't get tired, although we climax ten times quicker than Human women."

"T-ten times?" Sanji gawked. The women he knew took no less than twenty minutes to get properly worked up. That meant...once every two minutes? "Well, if you're okay, I'm going in. I'll go slow. If it hurts, just bite Zoro."

"Bastard!" Zoro snapped.

Sanji held himself to ease it in, going slow. The gush had moistened her, so he slid in with ease. Sanji watched Keimi's body for signs that it was painful. That tiny opening was almost too small for him. There was no way a monster like Zoro could have fit. Plus the bastard was still being rough. Sanji really did hope Keimi would bite Zoro, just enough to leave a scar that would remind the idiot to always treat women like delicate flowers.

Keimi began to yell again and finally shoved Zoro out of her mouth. "That! There! Right there!"

Sanji felt it, too. Women were impossible to figure out, but Sanji felt something like a ridge running the entire length of her vagina, with a fairly large lump in a spot he could just barely reach. Any man under seven inches would never feel it.

Sanji pulled out and gave a slow, full thrust. That ridge was definitely something unusual, but not unpleasant. Actually being able to feel the goal spot was nice too. Keimi's tail flipped hard. Sure enough, no more than a dozen thrusts and Sanji felt a gush of fluid flow past him and splash out around his thighs, dripping off the bed and onto the floor.

"Definitely weird, and too wonderful to imagine," Sanji groaned.

Keimi managed not to bite Zoro despite gushing in orgasm three times before Zoro had enough.

"She's gonna flood the place. There's a connected bathroom. Let's go in there."

Sanji removed the I.V. needles in a hurry, not caring that he needed that rare blood. At that moment he needed something much different, and even more rare.

In the bathroom was a hot tub. Zoro poured in enough water to be warm and comfortable for Keimi, then all three climbed in. Keimi laid in the water so that her face was completely submerged. Sanji saw her gills go to work. Zoro knelt on the underwater bench facing away, with Keimi sucking the monster dick. Sanji straddled Keimi's submerged body and stood at Zoro's back, glad he did not have to see him give an "O" face to Keimi. Jealous? Maybe a little. However, once he slid into Keimi, he knew he had the better deal. She was so tight, and that ridge...

Zoro yelled and put a hand on Keimi's floating green hair. "She sure does love to bite."

"By the sudden heat, I think she gushed again. That sure was quick."

Sanji slid in and out, trying not to make a sound with Zoro there right in front of him. However, Keimi must have done something, because Zoro suddenly moaned loudly. Sanji smiled at his rival and friend. An annoyingly crude bastard, but Sanji could see the charm in him. His hands grabbed Zoro's muscular butt cheeks.

The swordsman looked back over his shoulder and smirked. "You wanna have fun there, pervy-cook? Go ahead. More pleasure for me."

Bastard! For that, he almost didn't do it, except the temptation was too much. Sanji licked his finger and slipped it into Zoro's ass.

"Fuck! She bit me again."

"I can tell," Sanji moaned. "Another gush." Screw keeping quiet! He wanted Zoro to know just what he was missing. "It feels amazing when she does that, all that feminine fluid pushing against you as she tightens up around you... Heaven! Do you realize how tight she is? You must have sat on too many sword pummels," he teased, sliding a second finger in. "And there's a ridge. It's like getting a blowjob by a guy with a tongue ring."

"You've done that?" Zoro asked, darkly glaring back.

"Once or twice," he smiled, smug to get him jealous. "This is way better."

Zoro suddenly pulled away. Keimi's head popped to the surface in concern.

"Sorry Keimi, but I was getting so distracted by your mouth, I forgot why we're here." He moved around the hot tub until he was behind the cook. "Sanji needs to know the difference between a man and a woman. He's only getting a woman, so now he needs a man."

"I was having plenty of fun with your asshole."

"Not as much fun as I'll have with yours!"

He took a container of bath oil, rubbed it on his dick, and rubbed some around and inside of Sanji. Then, without much prepping, he grabbed the cook and thrust in. Sanji was forced forward until he pinned Keimi tight against the edge of the hot tub. Only a quick move to brace himself stopped him from crushing her. He wanted to yell and curse at Zoro for being rough when he was already inside a lady, but the force hurt badly. Keimi pouted and wiped aside one of his tears.

"Zoro-chin, Sanji's still recovering. Please be careful."

"You...f-f-fucker," Sanji growled, shivering in agony.

Zoro only pulled out halfway before thrusting in again. Sanji howled and grabbed Keimi as if she could protect him. She stroked his hair, seeing the pain in his face. How could she convince a scary man like Zoro to stop?

"This is a man, corkscrew-brow. Get it?" Zoro thrust hard again. This time, Sanji moaned. Zoro had hit his prostate, and although it still hurt, that stroke felt amazing. "Man! Keimi is a woman. Grab her breasts, fucker." Sanji was still trembling as he grew used to the massive size. "Grab them!" he barked.

Sanji wiped his eyes, looked at Keimi as if apologizing, and took her breasts into his hands.

"There you go. See? Woman! Keimi, mermaids have a trick. Do it!"

Keimi gasped that he knew about that. "It's forbidden to do that to a Human-person. The consequences..."

"Do it!" he shouted.

Her brow creased in worry, but she nodded. She looked at Sanji and pouted. "I'm sorry."

Sanji...lost...no words...

_God in heaven, there is nothing greater in all of life than this. This here, this feeling. Nothing in the world compares._

The ache in Sanji's body was replaced by mind-numbing ecstasy. Keimi felt him pounding into her at a frantic pace. It made her gush, but just after she did, she felt something else... something gushing back into her. "Oh! Oh my, that was...was his... Zoro-chin, I think he oragasmed already."

"That's one," Zoro said, grinding into Sanji's ass. "Do it again."

"But..."

"Now!"

Sanji flailed helplessly.

_Impossible! Men can't recover this fast, and yet... My goddess! I will never make love to a Human woman again. They could never compare. Forget All Blue, I have found Utopia. All seas in the world combine into the fertile fishing grounds of this mermaid, right here. She is my All Blue!_

"Oh...oh God, he's...he's coming...again!" Keimi cried out, and suddenly the water underneath churned with a gush that washed out some of Sanji's semen.

"Again!" Zoro ordered. He held tightly to Sanji's hips and straining as he also came close to a climax.

"I don't want to stop," Keimi howled. "I don't want Sanji-chin to ever stop. I want him...to do me...more!"

Sanji coughed and moaned in bliss so intense, it was the worst pain of his life. Zoro's cock made his ass feel on fire, Keimi's too-frequent gushes warmed him, and whatever she was doing with that ridge inside her...it might kill him, but he never wanted it to stop. All he wanted was to feel her, to love her, to fuck her senseless. He was lightheaded and numb in the face, but he did not want it to end.

Hearing Keimi's wails and Sanji's weary grunts finally drove Zoro over the edge. He suddenly thrust hard into Sanji, forcing him to thrust even deeper into Keimi. She cried out with another gush of fluid. Poor Sanji felt Keimi's gush mix with Zoro's spurting cum. He babbled in the bliss of a third orgasm, even if there was nothing left to squirt out.

"No more," he begged. "No more. I...can't go again. Please! No more."

Keimi leaned her torso back on the ledge of the tub. Sanji was smashed into her breasts, muttering "No more." Zoro rested his head on Sanji's shoulder and caught his breath. All three were utterly spent.

Zoro pulled out first. Sanji winced but felt relief. He began to sink into the bath, too tired, too sore, and too happy to care if he drowned here in the midst of two amazing lovers. Zoro lifted Sanji into his arms, and the man curled into him like a baby. Zoro smiled and kissed the center of his twirled eyebrow. He put him on the bed, sopped up the gushed fluid, mopped the floor, changed the bedding, and tucked Sanji in. The cook was already unconscious.

"This better have stopped your damn nosebleeds," he muttered with a gruff but endearing smile.

Keimi pulled herself out of the hot tub. Zoro shoved the bubble over to her, and she floated around to get her shirt back on and straighten her hair.

"I hope it works," she whispered as she heard Sanji snoring.

"If he can survive a threesome involving a mermaid, he can survive anything."

Keimi pouted and stroked back Sanji's blond hair. "It's a shame he tired out after just three times."

"Just three? How long do mermen last?"

"Oh, just once, but they can keep going for an hour with the...um, _trick_. Indefinitely without."

"I'll be damned." Zoro lasciviously eyed her up and down. "So, are you still horny?"

She blushed and shrugged coyly. "Mermaids come ten times faster than Human ladies, but we last twice as long."

Zoro arched an eyebrow. "Twice as long, eh?"

"Oh! I'm really sorry, Zoro-chin, but you really would be too big for me. Even Sanji-chin was...painful. No wonder the other girls in the cafe like Human-people."

"Another time then." He pulled on his pants and his green robe, then tied the sash with the three katana around him. "Some giant merman invited me to his house for drinks. After all this, I need a few. Tell Chopper I went for a walk. He won't expect me back for hours...although I'm not sure why that is."

Keimi giggled, thinking back to when Nami had told her about the swordman's chronic case of misdirection. "Have fun. And Zoro-chin...thank you very much," she blushed. "This was the best sex I've ever had in my life."

Zoro laughed softly. "Honestly, same here, kid. I'm sure Sanji would say the same...if he manages to remember anything." He walked to the window and swung a leg over, ready to climb down. "Have Chopper reapply those I.V. lines." Then Zoro climbed down from the window, landed hard on the road below, and wandered off to find that huge grandpa merman.

Keimi opened the door and immediately blushed. Only Chopper was there, but his eyes were massive. Surely, he heard them and guessed.

"We had to remove the I.V. for the...uh, therapy," she said. "He's doing well, but he...he might need more fluids."

Chopper said nothing. The crew thought he was innocent and childlike. Maybe he lacked knowledge about the world around him, but he was a doctor after all! He knew about the reproductive systems of both Humans and Merfolk. He walked passed Keimi and saw the recently mopped floor. Yep, mermaids were notoriously..._moist!_ He sterilized Sanji's arm from the blood that dripped when he yanked the needles out. He carefully replaced the needles, added a bag of saline, and sat on a stool to watch over the transfusion.

Keimi sat on a chair across the way, looking anywhere but at Sanji. His shirt was still removed. She doubted Zoro even put his underwear back on. She suddenly realized the hot tub was still full. Probably—ahem—messy as well. She floated on her bubble over to it, drained the tub, and wiped up the mess around the floor.

A few minutes later, Luffy and Usopp came in. "I couldn't find Zoro anywhere," the captain whined, and he collapsed onto a couch. "Sooo hungry!"

Usopp also looked exhausted and collapsed with his head back on the couch. Keimi realized Usopp looked a little more disheveled than usual. She bet the girls downstairs gave him a _very_ good time.

While she was cleaning, Sanji stirred and groaned. His ass felt bruised. His groin hurt even worse. His head felt so light.

"Sanji-chin!" Keimi cried out in joy. She rushed over to be by the side of her new lover.

"Sanjiiii!" the doctor sighed in relief.

Sanji stared in a daze. Basic questions first. "Where...am I...?"

"Phew...!" Chopper replied, collapsing over his legs.

"At my friend's house in the port town," Keimi related. Had she not explained that the first time? He looked utterly confused. "You lost almost all the blood in your body, Sanji-chin!"

"I'm so glad we found a donor," Chopper sighed.

"Oh...blood?" He began to sit up, but that agony in his ass made him suddenly go pale. His face felt like he had been pummeled. He was also immensely exhausted and his groin burned. "What happened to me?"

"Stay down," Keimi said gently.

Luffy and Usopp were talking behind her, but her worry was solely on Sanji. Why wasn't he looking at her? Why didn't he at least smile? Could it be she overdid it to the point where his mind repressed the whole thing? He thanked his crew for their hard work in saving his life, but he did not even give a private smile to Keimi. Her chest burned. Although she had worried that he might hate her for getting him involved in that threesome...to remember nothing at all...

Sanji suddenly held his head. He began to sweat. "I can't remember...just where I was and what I was doing."

Luffy and Usopp bolted up in horror. "Ahhhh! Don't go remembering it!"

Keimi's head dropped. So he did forget. It had been too much. He repressed the whole experience.

She moved aside so the others did not see her tears. She looked to the hot tub again. Just a few minutes ago, Sanji had sent her through wave after wave of the most intense pleasure she had ever known. He could not remember the blood geyser when he first woke up, either. Now he forgot even this?

She heard a ruckus in the other room. Usopp had brought the okama twins in. Splash and Splatter flexed their muscles to show Sanji that they were not fragile _ladies_. The poor man began to foam at the mouth.

"Hey, thank them!" Usopp scolded.

"Get them out!" she shouted.

The group turned to her in shock. The mild, perky mermaid now looked furious.

"Are you trying to traumatize him all over again? Get those two out!" She rushed over to Sanji's side and held his catatonic body. She quickly began wiping the foam up while Chopper ran in circles shouting that they needed a doctor.

"Trauma?" Usopp wondered aloud.

"Huh? Tuna?" Luffy wondered. He frowned and folded his arms. "I want real meat!"

Chopper suddenly realized something odd about Luffy, something about poison. Usopp got the okama twins out and came over to look as well. Keimi continued to cuddle Sanji into her breasts.

"Please, Sanji-chin, pull yourself together. After Zoro-chin and I went through all of that!"

"All of..." Sanji woke up out of his shock. "That? Zoro...and Keimi-chwan? That..."

She cheered up. "Oh good, you remember. And look," she giggled, wiping her worrisome tears away. "I can hold you to my chest and you don't bleed. So it worked. I'm so happy!" She laughed and kissed his cheek. "I'll let you get dressed. Sorry about the clothes. And I'm sorry about..._that_. It's illegal, you know. Human men who experience _that_ can never again be satisfied with Human women. But you...you're a strong man, Sanji-chin. You'll...be satisfied again...someday."

She hated to think that these pirates would soon move on, sail off on their way into the New World, and it might be many more years before she saw them again. At least she and Sanji had one day by which to remember each other.

"I'm so sorry, I'm saying unnecessary things," she laughed with a sniff and quickly wiped her face. "Oh! Zoro-chin said you wanted a recipe for our world-famous wakame seaweed brûlée. I said I would only give it for the right price. It's a secret, you know," she winked. "But...well, you paid more than enough." She handed him a scrap of paper. "The magic is in the merbinado sugar. It has to be hand-ground, and it's only found here on Fishman Island. It's cheap here, but I'm told it's rare and outrageously expensive elsewhere, so you'll want Nami-chin to buy some while you're here."

"Oh, uh, thank you," Sanji muttered.

She grinned huge. "Don't tell anyone I gave that to you or I'll get fired. Now, I need to report to Madame Shirley. I'll see you soon." She gave him a kiss on the forehead, so that he had a perfect view down her shadowy cleavage. Then she rushed out of the room feeling happy again.

Sanji stared forward. Mermaid breasts...were as jiggly as a perfect brûlée.

But what price had he paid? What was the "that" that Keimi was talking about? Can't be satisfied with Human women?

"Why...can't I remember?"

**The End**

* * *

><p><em>AN: Domaine Romanée-Conti - one of the rarest and __most __expensive wines in the world. A single bottle sells for $11,000 USD.  
><em>

_Merbinado sugar - a recipe I have for creme brûlée uses turbinado sugar hand-ground with a mortar and pestle so the grains are finer for caramelizing. Mermaid's turbinado=merbinado.  
><em>

_In the manga, King Neptune finds Zoro and takes him to the palace while Sanji plays with mermaids, has his blood geyser, and then stays with Chopper at Madame Shirley's place. Keimi just sort of vanished after Sanji first woke up. There's no outburst from her at the okama twins, nor does Usopp get them out before worrying about Luffy's poison. But... well, I wanted it this way! _^_^


End file.
